just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
