My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
