can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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