I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
