barbara walters just said penis...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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