stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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