Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
