Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
