go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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