Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
