wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize