If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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