I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
