wrigley field is MILF paradise
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
