Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
