Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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