I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
