Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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