my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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