I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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