Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
