Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
