never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
