She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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