we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
