Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
