census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
