What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
