what day is it and did you see me today?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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