I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
