I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
