I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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