Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
MIDGETS
????
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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