Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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