I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
