Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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