Your tits are I can't wait for
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
