I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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