Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
