i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
