I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
