Hey man sorry I got all grabby
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
