When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
