Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
