So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
