Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
