May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
