Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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