so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
