It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
