Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
