I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
