Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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