The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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