yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
