that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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