i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We have started to decorate penises.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
