Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
