Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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