Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
