i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
