I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
