I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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