DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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