i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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