oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
