the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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