he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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