i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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