Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
