I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
