filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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