he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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