I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
