please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
