Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Your dad touched me again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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