I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where are you guys?
Drunk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
